How to change a baby boy’s diaper

The process you think might be pretty simple. But, let’s be real here. Not every diaper change is a breeze. (But you better hope there’s a breeze to keep the smell away)

  1. Be vigilant and pay attention for “the smell”

  2. Check for “the line” (the amazing technology of the blue line)

  3. Check the back end…

  4. CAUTION: In case of blow out… be careful of stray streaks, road marks, and liquids… It might get on your hands… Let me rephrase. It will get on your hands.

  5. Behold the power and wonder that is anti-gravity debris

  6. Find a secure location, table, cushion, floor, truck bed, husband’s lap

  7. Lay out your changing mat

  8. (WARNING: YOU HAVE NOW ENTERED THE WAR ZONE) Un-do the onesie buttons near the baby booty

  9. Dodge incoming kicks

  10. Pull up your own shirt over your nose

  11. Breathe in deeply and hold

  12. Pull back straps on diaper

  13. Pull down the front of the diaper

  14. Behold the gloriousness that is being a parent

  15. Observe the beautiful creation that your child constructed

  16. Pull out your handy dandy wipes and clean the skin gently

  17. Place wipes in old diaper and pull out from under the baby

  18. Dodge incoming pee fountain

  19. Freak out a bit

  20. Observe that pee is now all over you

  21. Listen to your son’s laugh as he mocks you for being too slow

  22. Pull out a new wipe and re-clean the newly messy area

  23. Let go of your pride

  24. Place new diaper under your child

  25. Apply any creams or powders to maintain that “smooth as a baby’s bottom” booty that we all love

  26. Pull up the front of the diaper and fasten the straps

  27. Re-button the onesie

  28. Throw away diaper in Oder Defying receptacle (if unavailable, pray for forgiveness from future pedestrians of the nearest trashcan)

  29. Pack up belongings (dry them from pee as necessary)

  30. Walk back to your party, wedding, dinner, fundraiser, or activities with your head held highRepeat steps 1-28 in about 1 hour and 17 minutes

Welcome to parenthood.

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